The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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