do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
