I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
