My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
