everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
