I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
