What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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