Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
