I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
