I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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