So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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