Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
