do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
