dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
