there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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