My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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