Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
