Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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