Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
