he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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