are you still at the devil's house?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
