remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
