he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
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I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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