My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
