I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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