smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize