Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
