you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
dude. I can hear the air.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
