Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
