If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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