First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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