he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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