I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
May the power of my ass compel you!!
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