Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
MIDGETS
????
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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