so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
