in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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