Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
