Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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