oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
