just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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