I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
