I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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