god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
