Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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