Soap is not a condiment
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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