Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
