Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
