what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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