is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
