3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
