i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
