Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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