i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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