I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
