I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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