epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
