Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
