I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
