"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
