she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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