He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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