I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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