i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm passing your future prison.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
