he was CRYING into my vagina
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
