Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize