Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
