I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
