i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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