So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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