I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
