lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
