We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
