Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
